You’d have been hard pressed not to notice that it was International Women’s Day at the weekend. Social media was full to bursting with people sharing the love for their female friends, colleagues and bosses and, since women can sometimes be horrible to each other, it is a joy to see, writes Sarah Newton.
But did you know it is International Men’s Day every November? Thought not. Me neither. There are two reasons for this, in my opinion. Firstly, men don’t compliment each other for fear of being laughed at. You rarely get a bloke praising a colleague’s new suit, or haircut, never mind posting on social media about their friend’s special qualities or suggesting a Chapentine’s Day catch-up.
Secondly, men have traditionally had all the advantages, so why would we go out of our way to give them a slap on the back for doing what they’ve always done?
But my problem with this, is that men perhaps don’t have all the advantages anymore. In fact, you could even argue they are marginalised more than women.
Let’s look at the facts. We know that boys are underachieving in school, compared to girls, and they are far more likely to be excluded. Boys are more at risk of joining a gang, crossing county lines or carrying a knife.
Fewer boys go onto further education and they are much more likely to become addicted to drugs, alcohol or pornography. The stats only get worse as boys become men. Men are much more likely to take their own life. And, you may be surprised to learn, they make up the majority of people who are murdered.
There are far more men in prison than there are women, more men living on the streets and there are many more unemployed males than there are females.
Men’s struggles are everyone’s struggles
So, why aren’t we bigging up men as much as we big up women? Because a healthier, more emotionally aware society benefits everyone. Men and women do not exist in isolation – when men struggle with mental health, toxic masculinity or unfair expectations, their partners, children and colleagues feel the effects too.
Of course, like many things, the media is partially to blame for the portrayal of both sexes. We currently exist in a world where a future 007 is played by Lashana Lynch, Prospero in Shakespeare’s The Tempest is being portrayed on the West End by Sigourney Weaver and even the part of Jesus Christ has been given to Cynthia Erivo.
Although this obviously doesn’t reflect the real world, it does feel a little like men are being erased. And if young men don’t see themselves reflected anywhere in society – or any positive role models – then how will they navigate their place in the world with confidence and direction?
When you consider all the above, is it any wonder than some young men are turning to the likes of hyper-masculine Andrew Tate, who tells them that men are actually great and all their problems are the fault of women, who should make their quietly back to the kitchen sink.
Of course, the reality is that his messaging is influencing young men negatively, promoting toxic masculinity and unhealthy relationship dynamics.
Deeply flawed
Yet, in a world where many boys are struggling to find their place, his is the loudest voice offering them a sense of direction – even if it’s a deeply flawed one.
This is why I think it’s vital for there to be a louder appreciation and celebration of the positive contributions of men in society – whether as fathers, mentors, colleagues or friends.
We should also be challenging the gender stereotypes; the idea that men must always be strong, unemotional and self-sufficient is damaging. Encouraging men to express vulnerability leads to healthier relationships and communities.
We need to lose the ‘boys don’t cry’ mentality that discourages boys and men from having genuine discussions about emotional wellbeing and male vulnerability. We need a movement that promotes genuine male empowerment – built on resilience, emotional intelligence and mutual respect.
Instead of turning to extreme figures who offer simplistic, combative narratives, young men need role models who encourage strength without suppression, ambition without aggression and confidence without contempt.
Women have to choose
Of course, I’m not saying that women have it made. There is still salary disparity, a very firm glass ceiling in many industries and more women than men have to choose between a family and a career.
But while discussions around gender equality have rightly focused on empowering women, many young men today feel lost, uncertain about their roles in an ever-changing world. A healthy society uplifts both sexes and we shouldn’t leave men behind.
True gender equality means recognising and addressing the unique challenges that all genders face. So, I hope that when it comes to International Men’s Day in November, we can see more and more people celebrating their male colleagues, friends, bosses and family.
Let’s take the time to acknowledge the positive impact of the men around us and continue promoting equality – for everyone.
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